It seems so long ago; when I was praying real hard for a miracle.  That time, I felt like I was constantly hanging by a thread.  Being in a devastating situation could really drain the spirit out of a person.  Feeling so lost and so forlorn that things might not improve with time; feeling defeated all over again, drenched soul.

How to rise up again from this seemingly hopeless situation?  Day in and day out, I was ardently praying for a great miracle to take place.  I wanted it so badly it was filling my mind all the time; whether asleep or awake.  I dreaded every sunrise; knowing it might be another nerve-wracking day.  I would silently whisper precautions to my similarly frightened kids; hold their hands and assure them that things will be better –  soon…. yes, soon.

THE COUNTDOWN

Here I await with nervous anticipation

     The coming of the day

        when I’ll get my liberation.

My heart is spinning…

     My insides are churning.

          Whatever I’m doing,

          I’m doing in automation.

Ten…Nine… Eight… Seven.,,

          I’m counting the days.

          Will I ever see heaven?

Six…Five… Four… Three …

          Will I, my Lord, ever be free?

               A miracle, oh Lord, please hear my plea !!!

Heartbeats running havoc.

     I can’t seem to breathe.

           The sword of Damocles

            Seem to hang o’er my head.

Time must have stopped …

    There isn’t any ticking…

      Or could have it been drowned

         By the drumming of my heart heat?

Oh, God, please let me be free !

      The agony of waiting

           Is really killing me !!!

*****

After 15 years, my prayer was answered.  Not once have I ever lost hope of ever achieving freedom from the monster inside our supposed refuge.  I was at the edge of the cliff many times, figuratively speaking.  In my mind I was often about to jump off the cliff; mindless of what lies at the bottom, only eager to escape every time “the monster” comes near.  What a heart-breaking predicament to be in!

If not for my precious little ones, I would have given up a long long time ago.  I would have spread my wings and flown so far far away where the monster won’t find me.  If I had wings strong enough to carry all of my precious ones, I would have dared to soar high and far; but no, I would be putting them in danger if I had done that without thinking.

But, alas!

Patience pays, I found out.  Endurance is a virtue worth having.  I have endured the pain and the wounds inflicted on my person.  I have managed to hold on to the faith which made me strong enough to hold on; the love I had inside of me had nourished my dampened spirits.

I am free!    We are free!  The wheels of fate had turned towards a better road.  Sufferings are not meant to be life-long with those who have faith that trials are meant to strengthen us.

So…if you are in a situation now which is similar with mine of years ago, here’s what I did.  Might work for those who are presently facing seemingly hopeless situations, too.

• Sing yourself to a more joyful mode.  Listen to therapeutic music; music which can fill you with hope and love.  Play or hum some gospel or praise songs which lifts your heart.  
• Pray with your heart.  Not repeated or read prayers, but speak from your innermost feelings.  The Lord answers prayers; not in our own time, but in His time.  Talk to Him like you would to your father.  Ask, pray, receive!  Because you will!
• If the person who is hurting you has shown no remorse whatsoever, and continues to hurt you directly or indirectly, continue to pray for that person/s.  Forgive and let the holy spirit wash over your innermost hurts.

Just when I stopped the countdown, the answers came.  While I wasn’t looking, the miracle took place.

You see… God works in mysterious ways.  Trust only the Lord.  And count no more!